Yes I remember Sir Malcolm, he wasn\'t a bad old sort, Though a trifle bad tempered it\'s sad to report.
Like the time that I borrowed a Prized DVD;
\'The Bells of St Mary\'s\' that I wanted to see,
But on the return I put in the Wrong Disc-
A Simple mistake I had to insist-
And when lent to the Vicar and his family at home;
\'Lesbian Lust 2\' was the Feature being shown.
Now his proud reputation as a \'Good Family Man\';
Is quickly descending down the Proverbial Pan.
And he once owned a Monet: \'The Breaking of Ice\';
It seemed a bit grimy so to make it look nice,
I\'d apply a bit of Water, it couldn\'t really hurt;
But grabbed the wrong Bottle and scrubbed it with Turps.
When I told him what happened, I just had to smile;
Though he looked like The Hulk with a bad case of Piles.
And what of the time - I Chuckle when I think-
And if Memory serves, It caused quite a stink.
He went for a Holiday: Santorini in Greece,
For a much needed Rest and Tension release.
Then what are the Odds, you\'ll be hard pressed to find;
He was Booked in a Room adjacent to mine.
The look on his face was a singular sight;
When I told of my Plans for a \'Rave\' every night.
\'I demand another Room and don\'t care if it\'s Late\'
Then was disturbed every Night by the Smashing of Plates.
And By the By I must now Confide,
Him being a Proud Scot on his Mother\'s side.
We both went out walking one fine Summers day;
So he Wore his Best Kilt in the Traditional way.
When Lo and Behold we apparently got lost,
My directions it seems the ultimate cost:
\'Just follow me Mally I\'ll get us Two Home,
No need for Maps on the Silly old Phone\'.
\'Across this land we\'re sure to find;
The Familiar sight of the Village Sign\'.
And such language Obscene from a respected old Knight;
In a vast field of Thistles so late in the Night.
Well- Poor Old Mal is now laid down to rest,
And his Psychiatrist feels it\'s all for the Best.
And I\'ve said once before and I\'ll say once again:
I\'ve a sneaky old feeling that I was somehow to blame.