I lost my filter, so I told
Of struggles I was under
I said it was a dream that died
He pressed me with his wonder
While we went back there, I spoke
Of what I meant was cute
To Derek, I was just insane
I chose to let it float on mute
We shared a raw desire for girls
Connected with my brother
He liked me but he disagreed
On my existential tother
I cringed, he said it wasn’t real
Satanic eyes inside his mind
Disputing it was out of bounds
And God shouldn’t be hard to find
On philosophy and theology
We always disagreed
We craved: “...imagine having sex...”
But he didn’t know the bleed
He didn’t know the heavy toll
Of all the brainwashing
And when the dam broke on that day
His hug blackened to my dismay
Back there again like when I was a boy
Suffering in a holy place
With ghostly people around the void
Threatened by the blanked face
I told him that he hurt me
And he asked to understand
But knowing they could never handle
I ghosted that young man
And now throughout these lonely days
I spend a good deal of my time
Documenting the cruel ways
And vomiting the rhymes
When trapped inside emotional pain
I lust on girls who sweat and cry
But when it fades it’s all the same
It’s worse than before the high