Since when have I been
pushing my feelings down,
drowning out everything?
Since when have I been
overflown by anger
and hate?
When did I start wishing
for something other than life?
for a way out?
When did I normalize
asking myself to pick up a knife?
asking myself to cut?
Since when
are the first and last thought of the day,
me, asking myself
to cut my own throat
and
just
die?