I had this dream
You know the one
Lots of screams
Then I awoke
To find her beside me
Not a care
I phoned the dream helpline
To get updated to a nightmare
They didn’t seem to care
She turned to me with a smile
Would you like to half sex
Go the extra mile
I said, don’t you mean, have sex
No as she pushed away the cover
To reveal no lower half
Down there is infinity
Hot sex, like fire up the chimney
Jesus, Mummy and Daddy, Tom Dick and Harry
No I replied, I’ve already been to hell and back
Why are you still not dead
I had a resurrection clause in my will
Hence the lower thrill
Now we can be a one and a half couple
Oh god, back onto the dream helpline
Is there anything above nightmares
Yes, sir, they are night terrors
That’s it, I\'m having a night terror
How do I get rid of her?
You have to half sex with her
How the hell can you have sex with someone with no lower half
We call it infinity sex; you have to give it a try to make her die
Okay, love, let\'s half sex
He went to infinity and back
It felt like an exorcism in the sack
Finally, he had killed the bitch
She was gone forever, like an irritating itch
He woke with a jolt
God he thought, what a mare
Even in death she was everywhere
He had a wry smile as he jumped out of bed
For once he didn’t have a care
Though that all changed, when he noticed
His bottom half wasn’t there.