My eyes chose to fully open today,
And then suddenly I felt wide awake.
All of my exhaustion faded away,
As well as my overpowering hate.
All I had done was have hope for the best,
After diving deep into prayer once again.
Then next I was noticeably less stressed,
As my words of worship came to an end.
During most of my days I choose to pray,
Yet in the past nothing had ever changed.
At least it definitely felt that way,
As my problems weren’t gone just rearranged.
Usually things take a sharp left turn,
When they are supposed to curve to the right.
And I fight an uphill battle to earn,
The things that give meaning to why I fight.
But today doesn’t quite feel like the rest,
Due to the fact that I’ve embraced the good.
And I don’t care if this is just a test,
Because I feel exactly the way I should.
I’d rather not jinx it but I feel great,
Compared to the way I’ve felt recently.
I went from the most dreadful mental state,
Back to being the best version of me.
Choosing to trust that this isn’t a trick,
Is how I’ll hold onto this energy.
Because happiness comes and goes too quick,
As it’s hurried onwards by misery.
But these facts aren’t true in reality,
For they’ve been warped by my own perspectives.
My thoughts have just changed through the agony,
To think the worst of what I’ve expected.
I never thought that I could feel this way,
Without having to sell my soul once more.
But the only thing that I had to pay,
Was a fraction of the faith in my core.
And spiritual wealth can be restored,
Unlike the purchases of a drug bag.
This is something I would rather afford,
Which is hard for my addiction to grasp.
I still fear the remaining depression,
Will bring back my tears and lividity.
Because I don’t see constant progression,
Anywhere else except inside of me.
Since the world I live in’s chaotically,
Spinning out of control as I sit here.
And I can tell that psychologically,
I’m trying not to lose what I hold dear.
For I’m having a hard time believing,
In the good because it\'s hard to accept.
But I’m open minded to the healing,
And now I understand doubt more in depth.
In the past I would hold a cigarette,
And smoke it as if it were medicine.
Due to the heaviness of discontent,
Which led me to snorting adrenaline.
I chose to survive inside my nightmares,
But now I feel like my life is a dream.
It took me forever to climb these stairs,
Trying not to let the past intervene.
So let me just wake up from my coma,
That has me shrouded in that disbelief.
Since this cannot be my real persona,
Radiating with this sadness and grief.
I want my eyes to stay opened fully,
To the possibility of success.
And I want to live a life of glory,
Instead of surviving within my stress.
I have faith that I’ll feel this great tomorrow,
If God’s who I continue to follow.