My mind tears itself apart, relentless and cruel.
I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.
Thoughts crawl through places they shouldn’t reach.
I want to act, to surrender, to stop feeling anything.
I reach for the smoke, let darkness fill my lungs.
I breathe it in like I have nothing left to lose.
I beg the haze to bury what’s screaming inside.
Just let me be numb enough to forget myself.
I reach for the drink, feel the burn crawl down my throat.
I want to wash away everything I cannot bear.
I let it swallow the parts of me that are hurting.
I chase a happiness I can only seem to borrow.
Under the influence, the chaos finally goes quiet.
For a little while, I feel safe inside my own skin.
I know the consequences; I know what this is doing to me.
But I’d rather destroy myself slowly than face the storm sober