with gnarled fingers,
and long razor sharp nails
like a dark shadow
from the edge of night
along the outer limits
of the twilight zone,
and grabbed me
by the nape
of my scrawny neck
while I emulated an ostrich
with head in the sand
wanting to escape
the prognosticators dire warnings
about the threatening
and looming apocalypse
while Alexa shuffled Van Halen
tea sing me to flirt
hot for teacher
and jump with the devil
all of a sudden,
I stumbled, fumbled
and nearly crumbled
in the dark onto
the thinly carpeted cement floor
inside apartment unit b44,
and nearly cracked my skull
but imagine atrophied arms
as cross bones
breaking fast reflexes
the emergency thwarted,
I know that haint
no off phish hull way
to experience expedition
back to salvation of easy chair
finding and groping
creating a racket
which woke up the missus,
she immediately grabbed
a large blunt object
intent to whack me
atop the noggin
before realizing yours truly
her dearly beloved
emotional support animal
with knocking knees
within the pitch black
floundering within the cyber sea
as one among 10,000 maniacs
within the human league
hook, line, and sinker,
I grapple with existential nihilism
Fortunately donning adult diapers,
being incontinent kept me from getting wet
though an rectal accident happened
when pooping in my pants,
especially after an epileptic seizure,
I felt like a nervous wreck
in worse shape
than the Edmund Fitzgerald
crew zing at one
tentative baby step after another
krichening along the
boulevard of broken dreams
lucky this time around
an old centenarian clunker
(on par with
one of the worst-made
and most infamous automobiles
in history the 1971 Chevrolet Vega
where Dirty Vegas
played on the cd player)
and thankful
not to join the grateful dead
faith no more
reliable than
long since shattered
into a million little pieces
fragile as Humpty Dumpty,
and seriously contemplating
purchasing pink electric shoes
in tandem with
global positioning satellite
clambering on all fours
nevertheless gobsmacked
when illumination from
the dark side of the moon
or methinks (then quickly dismisses
the notion of UFOs
(Unidentified Flying Objects)
now officially called UAPs
(Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena)
by the U.S. government and military,
but though nearly blinded by the light
revved up like a deuce,
another runner in the night
initial hunch regarding extraterrestrials,
(who gesticulated they
merely wanted to phone home)
validated close encounters of the third kind
willingly abducted me with a whoosh,
where sightlessness superfluous
since aliens heavily relied
on echolocation and tactile contact.