Mom and dad I love you
But we made mistakes
But mine were aftershocks
Compared to your earthquakes
You never raised a hand
But you raised your opinions loud
Do you see how I turned out?
I hope to God I make you proud
Please don’t think I hate you
Cause I only hate myself
No need for my opinions
So I’ll leave them on the shelf
I’ll always care and love you
There’s just something in my head
I’d hate to take it out on you
So I hurt myself instead
Talk about me like you always do
Like I am never there
I’ll always know your true side
That led to my despair
If you know my history
Then why do you go on
If this makes you feel better
Would you care if I were gone?
I’m one breath away from suicide
And then you give me this
If all I am to you is insane
I guess I’m one no one will miss
Ran away from home
If home’s truly where I would stay
Lost deep in a raging hell
It’s no wonder I never pray
What have I done so bad?
To deserve this pain
Am I truly this depressed?
Or am I insane?
Downing the pills, gives me chills
As does the stuff I drank
Sinking fast in a lonely past
Only myself to thank
I could have asked for help
But there is no longer an “us”
Getting tired, eyes are heavy
In a ditch my body lays thus
I myself can be concerned
I myself can feel strange
In hospitals I have learned
But I can never really change
My life is just a game
And it’s only getting shorter
I just hit half time
When it should be the first quarter
I got out for the 5th time
Hospitals are getting old
Pills can fake a smile
But still my heart remains cold
Sent across the country
To a level 14 lockdown facility
This time I truly wanted help
I worked the best to my ability
I always feel like dying
But I don’t want to be consumed
These feelings get the best of me
If I don’t get help I am doomed
Told I would be there for 3 months
8 months pass
I still feel like I am looked right through
Like a broken piece of glass
Stepped down to a group home
Life there was a bitch
People say they got your back
But personalities switch
Girls there know how to say
“I love you” and “Goodbye”
I’m better off alone
Better off getting high
Please don’t get me wrong
I didn’t smoke bud just to rebel
Mostly to relax my nerves
And escape my living hell
Bl@zing Ku$h every day
Numbed my pain and sorrow
But there was that struggle deep inside
That felt like no tomorrow
Stealing, smoking, sneaking out
All just made no sense
It was fun for a while
Until things got too intense
My reality was slipping
Voices never leave
Homies do you got my back?
Homies can deceive
Long story short
Hospital again but I got out
I can do this on my own
This I have no doubt
My parents say they’ve changed
I say that I have too
What they said was real
I wish what I said was true
The Ku$h is in my past
But it still calls my name
A few grams go fast
But its all just the same
I truly am trying
That much I can say
I am playing this all out
Taking it all day by day
I still get depressed
But it’s something I have to handle
When things are dark
Now I have a candle
I think that i can finally say
I love being alive
It shocks me to say that
I never thought i would survive
My parents are supportive
Saying I love them feels strange
I guess it’s an example
That things can really change