Lots of thoughts I shouldn’t B thinking Sinking In the things I’m drinking Sighs and cries Tears I’m stroking Choking On the things I’m smoking Stuck in muck Of Ku$h n H@ze Done with it all But it all still stays A rip in my brain From Mary Jane How many more cells can I contain?! Voices ad noises Live in my head Won’t shut up Till my wrists are red! Like the ticx and tockx On melting clockx Laughing at me Like a jack in the box! I fell in hell And I’m in deep My eyes are closed But I can’t sleep Counting sheep’s Like counting starz I keep at it Till I find Marz An unseen teen Between two lives Counting shooting starz Till hope arrives Ugh. . . Bud in my blood Art in my heart 2 sides 2 my story Am I stupid or smart? I’m crying and dying Inside I’m a wreck I hope no one sees These rope burns on my neck Slits and splits In my arms and my wrists Blood murky like mud Flowing down to my fists I fly when I’m high But drown when I’m down I’m an invisible ghost In a visible town Everything’s cloudy Nothing is clear On dusty roads Which way do I steer? What is right? What is real? How do I know? What I truly feel Mad and sad A bad combination Most likely to commit suicide Is my nomination How do u mend or defend? A heart already broken I’m close to ending A story unspoken Grief as a thief Sins on my shoulder Hot on the outside But inside I’m colder Now that I’m older The world is askew! My home is a memory Once green and blue Now it is sick Now it is ill More and more Blood and oil to spill!! Looking in the mirror But I don’t know who at Harder to see When his face is too flat Show me a God! Show me a sign! Let the clouds open! Permit me to shine!!! Show me the way If there truly is one Guide me beside me Before I am done Ugh. . . This game became Sleepless nightmare I try my best But I’m not quite there Abused and misused Life’s a trip On the floor of life I tend to slip Actions n distractions Lead to my confusion Dreaming awake In my delusion!!! My hair is there To hide my face So no one will know When I will space Erase my mind And all my views I’m tired of walking In heavy shoes I choose to refuse The meds and pills All they do is give me chills Still without them I am lost My heart freezes And won’t defrost Decisions, decisions What do I do?!! Depressed and stressed I need a clue Raining tears On marijuana roads Holding in Till all explodes Wet with sweat From running away Feeling trapped Every single day Facing n embracing Whatever I can Winging whatever Without a plan Explain my pain Does anyone feel? The same way I do Or know what’s real Drowning quick In ash n C@$H Strugglin to swim Out of my stash This is life Life is this You can be wise n rise Or fall into its abyss