Although I’m scared of flying,
( I always dread it on the day ).
I take pills to settle my stomach,
but I feel sick most of the way.
As we start to take off down the runway,
( I always close my eyes ).
My fists I clench, I start to sweat,
and dig my fingers in my thighs.
Once the plane is up and airborne,
( I start slowly to unwind ).
The stewardess makes a fuss of me,
she’s really very kind.
As I look outside my little window,
( I can see how high we are ).
I forgot to say I’m scared of heights,
I wish I’d gone by car.
After several double brandies,
( I’m really starting to chill out ).
Dutch courage is a god send,
of that there is no doubt.
I’m told we’ve lost one of our two engines,
( so it’s going to be a longer flight ).
I pray we don’t lose the second one,
or we’ll be stuck up here all night !
As we approach the landing runway,
( this bit really is the worst ).
It would be nice to land in one piece for once,
I think I must be cursed.
As the engine shuts down upon our arrival,
( the co-pilot turns to me to say ).
“ Another excellent flight than captain,
You’ve really earned your pay ! “