Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty did not have a great fall
He humped and dumped the kings precious wife
So in return he took poor Humptys’ life
Who ever said that humpty was an egg
He was an enemy of the kingdom that lost a leg
He knew something about the crooked crowned king
He knew he cheated on his queen with a fling
Humpty spotted the king at an awesome spring break
The king was all over two guys by the lake
What he saw next was not good nor was it bad
Snitching on the queen to the king made him glad
The queen was vulnerable and confused from the news
So they went to the royal kings’ bed with some royal booze
He did things to the queen she had not done in years
By the time they were done she was drenching in tears
After that night they had fallen in love
But in those silly days they did not have the glove
As the months passed by her belly got big
But the king only thought that his wife was a pig
After nine months she conceived a beautiful child
The king had not touched her in years so he went totally wild
He ordered her head to be off by the next day
Then swore vengeance to the man who knew he was gay
Being the king and all he had unlimited power
So he found poor humpty within the dark hour
He looked him straight in his eyes and could not let this pass
So he broke both his legs and put a cap in his ass
He bent down to his side and said, “You know what happens to snitches?
They get sent to prison and are made into bitches
But I’ll do to you more worse than you did to me
Why I’ll take the thing away that allows you to pee
For that is the one thing that gave me a boy
I could not do so alone, my dick’s a broken toy
You did me dirty Humpty, so I will never forgive
So you now understand I can’t allow you to live”
So he loaded his gun and he put one in his head
Now poor humpty was lay rest at his bed
The king thought of a story and he thought of it fast
A nursery rhyme that was forever made to last
The boy found out the truth at a very young age
So he ran away from his home with a furious rage
He plotted his plan for years and grew older
The day he turned twenty his father got colder
The king knew that soon he would receive some attacks
So he doubled his troops by selling weed sacs
But his son knew of his fathers foolish scams
All his soldiers were high when he poisoned there clams
No one was left to guard the poor king, he was all alone
Soon he would be bumped off of his beloved throne
The son snuck in through the sewer pipes lickety split
But the king smelled something that smelled just like shit
He spun around quick but there were no gaurds
His son struck him swiftly cutting off his nards
He said, “Look at me now dad, you see what you’ve done?
I made all the moves when you were busy with fun”
The foolish kings’ blood was splattered all over the walls
But he was too busy hanging on to the rest of his balls
“I bet that right now you have more than an itch
You murdered my parents you son of a bitch!”
So with a stroke of his blade he finished the deed
Then he found the royal closet that was full of blue weed
He rolled up a fatty and smoked one to his true dad
He smoked one to his mother and began to feel sad
Maybe it was the weed, maybe it was the whole night
Just when all looked gloomy he saw a great light
His father spoke to him, his mother too
At first they were wondering why he smelled like poo
“My name is Humpty and you are my son
You’ve avenged my death and done so without gun”
“I love you my boy” said his beautiful mother
“Before I was killed I gave birth to another
Your sister was sent off to a kingdom far away
She was locked up in prison for the rest of her days
It is your duty my son to rescue your twin
Now that you know you may now begin”
The son of Humpty set off once more
The son of poor Humpty then prepared for war