Down On My Knees
I'm down on my knees, in my prayer position
Feeling like a fool,
Which I am finding myself drowning in my own sorrowful pool
My life has been nothing but an uphill battle that I cannot win
Nothing is ever good enough, not even for HIM
Feels like everything I do is all a waste
Life is all I ever wanted
Now I can't even get a taste
I'm tired of all this love
I'm tired of all this hate
When all I can do is push and shove
When all I can do is accept my fate
My soul is tortured, eating at me from every direction
Beating my brain for any decision, rhyme, or reason
I'm down on my knees, praying for an answer to my questions
I'm begging for forgiveness for all of my sin
Believing my life can be changed
Believing my life can start over again
I hate this feeling of my desperate need
Feels like my heart is tearing, about to bleed
Being blown into the dust, dark shadows follow
Walking around feeling empty and hallow
With the never ending feeling of being cold and shallow
Craving HIS love and attention
But feeling like it’s not allowed
So warm and inviting, but never reaching
The indecision to trust and believe
Wanting to walk and be free
Afraid of what I have to give up
Afraid of what I might have to lose
Afraid of what will happen if I don't
Afraid of what happens if I choose
Begging for forgiveness, praying on my knees
My head bowed down in prayer
I'm asking for understanding
Waiting for my answer
Searching for myself, a reflection of who I use to be
A woman who use to love
A woman who use to feel
A woman who use to be free
Whose heart use to be open
Now my heart has been closed and is cold
Fearing that this won't ever be over
Fearing that time has erased all memories
My mind has been clouded with nothing but anger
This pain is too real, I don't want to feel
To be numb is all I want, to feel nothing
I want to feel HIS love, and not feel my hate
GOD, help me please
I'm down on my knees
My head is bowed, praying for forgiveness
For your understanding, and patience
Praying that you are listening
Because all I want is to live, laugh, and love
By Heather Kasimoff 12/22/2008