It’s enough to say that I’m sad
Because my sadness is a broken record playing the same broken voice calling for the same broken acts of violence against myself
So I reach for my forearms and cut like I’m walking the train tracks
cuts as long as the Nile river
happiness as tall as pyramids
It feels like someone punched me in the heart and it turned to thanksgiving day
Thanksgiving has always been a rough time in my household
my mother always is left with nothing but a broken heart and me
It’s just me this year sitting in my broken home
broken like the window that broke when you threw the brick
broken like my heart when she told me she didn’t love me anymore
broken like the broken voice in my broken record
broken like my mother’s thankless self
broken like this home
Home is where the pain is
it makes me uncomfortable to sit on this couch because I know the sin committed there
is there one place that you left alone
is there anything you haven\'t stole
is there anything that hasn\'t been said already
is there anywhere or any girl that you haven\'t fucked
I think of you when I think of Christmas
I think of the presents I never gave you
I think of the meals we never shared
I think of these flashing lights and your glowing eyes
I think of all the ways you gave me hope
I have never felt hope like this before
I may be sad but at least I’m not dead
death brings nothing but inconvenience to others
and besides it’s too easy to die
your porcelain lips still haunt my head
because with you I felt powerless
With you I felt like a disgrace
with you I felt amorous
This was pure reverie when you slipped into my dreams
Home is where my heart is carved on my sleeve
I wear it with pride and I let them know how I really feel
that gets me into trouble
It gets me into trouble when you tempt me with your Ophelia lips
you run for the river
And shake your hips
isn’t it just monstrous that my home is still you