Even the devil pitied me. I was living a nightmare that I could never wake up from. Drowning in my sins but never dying. God was never coming to save me I’ve sinned too much for his grace and mercy. But I have not sinned enough for the devil to love me. His purely white gate was following me around like a shadow. His supposed words and scripture written into my soul in the devil’s handwriting. I am not sorry for the things I’ve done and I will never repent. Am I to evil for the devil or am I not enough? How many more sins do I need to commit to belong somewhere? The church doors always seem to be closed to me. Shut tight so that I may never see the light inside again. Maybe because I still hold on to this mindset of his forgiveness he will never give me that the devil asks for more evil doings and sinful things of me. But why do I never say no. why don’t I just stop and ask for his forgiveness and repent. Bow before him and all that I am. Why do I continue down this road of sin when I have yet to find the devils hand in all of this? At this point it’s not even temptation anymore. I do it because I want to. Because I can. Because I’m so far from heave that I can only worship hell.