One: Pain
Two: Fear
Three: Tears
It all starts with pain,
Just that one little word.
It starts with the very thing that’s kept us alive even when you know that there is no way out of pain.
Like the voice of the voiceless.
Echoing off the walls with a burning hate because no one would listen to them.
You see the paradox in happiness
It’s the seed that has been planted inside our heads ever since we were kids playing in the sandbox.
Everyone telling you, “smile, sit up straight. And…mind your manners.”
Our younger selves hushing our mouths when told. Us feeling happy without knowing what happiness really even was, because all we had to go off of was a sitcom TV show.
It’s funny the world is crashing right next to our ear, and yet we don’t hear the devastation.
When the feeling of safety slowly vanishes into a house of harm.
When tears turn into fears.
Day turns to night.
People tell you everything is going to be okay, when you know it’s not.
The only way that you can escape is by plastering on a smile, but the smile turns to a lie, and with every smile you give, another scar begins to form.
Every tear that has been dropped forms into a demon, taunting us with regrets and insecurities, mocking us with a mist only to be seen by the wicked.
And yes, it is scary when those insecurities grow to be everything you are.
Like when you walk, you wonder if it’s not the right walk, and when you smile, you wonder if it’s a crooked smile, even though it’s not.
And you see, everyone is fighting their own battle.
They are raising their swords high, only to get knocked into yet another grave.
They fight the brutal wars.
They endure the warfare of hate, and unacceptance.
And the worse thing is that some wars never end.
How can we not see how our actions take hold of everyone we talk to, because even when denial exists,
we all know that there is something that has us by the neck.
The cold days exist
and how are we expected to make it warm when isolation is so real, so cold
when we feel like every door has been slammed in our face.
Every single emotion is a paradox.
It always contradicts itself.
The paradox begins when we all take the sigh of relief that was cursed.
That one breath that we were never meant to take.
The heaviness of the chest, as the heart thumps once, thumps twice.
The feeling of anger when told to get over it.
You know, it seems like everybody else has it all set, but do they?
The answer is that no one is truly okay.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we are all united.
We are linked by the pain that has gripped us into the fiery depths of the unspeakable.
We can hold the building that threatens to crush us by seeking the most unlikely of allies.
Because maybe you have differences,
but inside they have ghosts too,
that follow and torment just as well as you do.
They know the feeling of hosting a virtual party that only has one guest.
Yourself
And some days that is all that you think you have to help you.
Yourself.
However
“When you seek, you shall find.”
And as long as you can breathe a little longer, you can survive.
Once you can grow up to yourself and tell the demons to go back to hell.
Once you can put together the pieces, connect the dots, read the hidden lines.
Once you open your eyes and see pain.
Once you can give the voiceless a voice.
Then, and only then you can bring the paradox to a close.