PRIVATE
It’s amazing what thoughts pass your mind when nothing is on it.
Alone at night I wary my focus from the never ending cycle of life’s clamorings only to be infiltrated by darkness.
You can do better, why aren’t you?
Maybe you aren’t good enough for what you want to do.
You can’t accomplish anything, what are you good for?
Wouldn’t it be easier to give up?
Negative thoughts escalate quickly, and there is no mediator to sway my emotions.
Just breathe.
Just breathe.
Nothing is helping.
My eyes feel dry, it may be the cusp of dawn, but I feel wide awake.
At this point the ceiling is my audience, and my thoughts reverberate against it.
There’s no more pain if you give up.
Maybe it’s best if I just leave.
It would be better if I was dead.
It would be better if I was dead.
There aren’t tears anymore, these thoughts are rehearsed.
I always feel this, but usually I’m so much better at distracting myself from the darkness.
Why is nothing distracting me now.
I will aimlessly distract myself, perhaps with mindless videos on Facebook.
Hearing other people’s voices is so soothing, as if they occupy my mind and force dark thoughts to retreat.
My mind will clear, my body will regain control, and I will manage a few hours of sleep.
As evil as this world has been to me, no matter what horrible things have been said - at least they keep me from the hell that’s in my head.