sandysheep

Numbers

6th grade. The year I started questioning my sexuality.

2. I spent 2 years trying to conform to \"normality.\"

700. I cried myself to sleep for 700 days.

42. The amount of times I was told \"it\'s just a phase.\"

682. The amount of times I prayed to change who I am.

682. Also the amount of times I believed I would be damned.

103. I had 103 nightmares about people calling me a \"dyke.\"

Waking up in tears and feared being disliked

389. How many times I\'ve heard homophobic comments.

Every time I heard them I just wanted to vomit.

December 16. The day I got my first girlfriend.

38. The amount ot times I was afraid something bad would happen if I held her hand.

22. How many times I\'ve contemplated self-harm

0. Luckily, I have 0 scars on my arm.

June 12. The day of the Orlando Shooting.

June 13. I heard the news and was afraid someone was out to get me.

And everyday I worry about what my parents will think.

Because without their acceptance I\'ll have a missing link.

16. The amount of times I was told that I was going to hell.

Making me wish I could push them down a freaking well.

Because you don\'t understand how I feel inside.

I\'m afraid of you. And I\'m afraid to show my pride.