hanledger
We weren\'t thinking.
We were thinking
That we could be a dream team and that we could lean on each other
That our love could support us and balance the weight of all our mistakes
our regrets
our fears
We were thinking
That each lie
could be covered up with the joining of our hands
And a whispered apology delivered on a black tongue
We were thinking
That the sound of rumours
and spitting insults
could be blocked out by the songs we sang
And the constant reassurance that came
with hearing each other\'s voices
We were thinking
That the demons we stored would forever dance
in the pale moonlight
That they would never argue or fall apart
That nothing could separate the cold hands that joined them
We were thinking
That the sleepless nights
would be fine
as long as we had each other
As long as we had someone to fall back on
when the dark became too suffocating
and the silence began to deafen
us
But the sleepless nights got me thinking
Your words were like painkillers
They were always there
Always available
Always cheap
But the comfort they delivered was temporary
They reassured me that I was safe and secure but the reality would always hit me like a brick
That the pain was still there
Just hidden under meaningless words
And a confident tone
Which convinced me you were to be trusted
But I started thinking
I was always there
Always hiding in the shadows
Screaming for help
But this was only inside what was left of my brain and my mind
I didn\'t want to bother you
I didn\'t want to distract you from your main priority
Yourself
Getting better
I didn\'t want to be a burden
Like an anchor pulling you deeper into the murky waters of what was once a clear lake
I started thinking
What was my main issue?
You loved me
You loved me like a mother loves a child
But the love was overpowered with the struggles of your rotting mind
You couldn\'t help me
Not whilst you were like that
Your own worries clawed at your pale skin and held your trembling hands behind your weak spine
Stopping you from reaching me
And helping me
So I was thinking
That maybe we weren\'t thinking at all