Lost
And i found myself here again
In the hell trapped within my own skin
A prisoner of my own thoughts and stuck in the four walls of my head
Here, where i can’t scream for help nor ask in a whisper
Where everything is say is wrong
And every action is flawed
And i feel like there is no reason to run
And nowhere to run
I feel lost and trapped and alone and useless
And the worst part is i have zero reason to be upset
In many ways i am blessed
And i thank God everyday
But in many ways i still hate myself for what he did.
And i feel scared of being in this place
A place where i refuse to get out of bed because i hate myself
And i don’t feel like there is a purpose anymore
I hate being in the spot
A spot where everything feels untouchable
And my eyes are always to blurry from tears to see what is going on with me
And i don’t feel like i belong to myself anymore
My skin isn’t mine
My thoughts aren’t what i want
My laugh is forced
And my smile is plastic
And i want to be happy, dance in the sun and feel like the center of this earth
But i feel small
I feel useless because of him
Because of this
For nothing
I am overwhelmed with fears
And i am drowning in a river of tears
I am comforted by the sound of my own screams
And all those nights and all those times i begged you to stay
Are wasted time
And wasted space
Wasted memories
Wasted faces
And this feels make believe
This feeling like this will never end
This pain i carry is fake
But to me it is the only real factor in my life
It’s the only thing that reminds to not to make the same mistakes
Don’t trust a boy with gentle eyes
Don’t share your life with a boy with a charming smile
Don’t talk with your mouth closed
Don’t allow someone to try to fix you
Never again
If you need me i am here…. In this hell