sob
noises fills the room
with soft cries from me
the memories are coming back
i start to recall the awful things he did
and i wonder why everything must be so hard
because i want to scream and release my anger before it take over me
and i can no longer remember the way he said those words but what he said still haunts me
and the sky proclaims a hidden story from those you won’t speak against the evil in this broken world
and this sadness is heavy on my eyelids and harsh on my skin because the more i cry the more i remember what happened
and what happened to me will never leave my thoughts because i can still see him standing by the sign with his bike by his side
and i can still recall the way he looked at me and smiled, before he destroyed me and played me like i was his doll not a realperson
and the thoughts i have carry lack of value but i still search for the answer to questions that were not asked in the beginning because i can not focus
focus on the light instead of the darkness
the creativity is gone and it has died along with desire
and my hope is soon gone, the words exchanged strike much fear in my eyes
and i am fearful of the unknown and why i might start to loose control and end up just like him
the person who still to even the slightest of thoughts scares me to my core and i am on my knees praying
to a God that feels like he has turned his back to me with shame, i am not sure why God has put me through this
and i try my hardest to please everyone around me but this is all i can be i am weak in the heart but try to keep my mind open
taking a step back and seeing the awful things i have done makes me ill because i have been terrible to everything and everyone and i am deeply sorry for living a regretful life and i should of listened to the warning signs and the words people told me and took their advice because maybe then i wouldn’t be crying until i can’t hear anything besides the echoing of my sobs
my eyes are blinded by my tears that hit the ground crashing down on to the floor tears are harsh,
burning my face with the acid like tears ripping the skin
blood and bruises leave for a heroic story right? not at all only a story full of silence
the fear i had of him pushed me into a corner where i was trapped
and i refuse to fall in love with someone who might hurt me and leave me even more broken
so i live in fear of many things
and i am allowing my fear to become who i am
and devour my willingness and my desire to better myself
i feel empty and lost when it comes to recovery
i want to get better but i feel stuck in these moments
when i can’t see past the storm and i struggle to understand why God has put me through this
is there more in store for me?
is it all over or is there more?
i am getting better
i am getting stronger
but it is taking time
taking a lot of time to heal