I have spent my entire life telling myself not to cry.
Not to show my emotions.
Because showing them or acknowledging them means they are real.
If they are real I can\'t ignore them.
I would not be okay.
I cannot hold myself together.
When I show my emotions they all seep through the cracks.
Like water from a flood that cause a dam to break.
Showing emotion would bring my to my knees, and take me to the darkest depths of myself.
I have bottled them up for so long I am not sure I would survive.
I do not think I could recover from that and still be me.
The entirety of who I am would diminish.
I have bottled up everything that I have went through.
I showed to emotion on the outside.
I brushed off my sleeves and went on
I never showed my anxiety or frustration
I never let myself feel anything
And I am paying for it dearly now.
Now if I think too much or too hard
I travel to the depths I have tried so hard to bury
I have been numb for so long I wouldn\'t know what its like to feel emotion.