Lord, I lay in bed tonight,
As I have these past several years,
Convulsing.
I pray in your name every night
And I will still wonder if you even
Hear my cries.
For every night I pray for strength,
For guidance,
For will power.
And within an hour or so,
I find myself in the tub,
Shivering,
Because my blood is so damn cold.
Can you even hear me lord?
Are you even listening?
Do you even care,
About the pointless struggles I am ensuing?
I want you to feel my pain.
Lord, as I pray for your mercy,
But I get no sign,
No indication,
That you even hear me at all.
And after all is said and done
All I can do is lay here and cry.
Because you refuse to answer
my prayers.
All I desire is strength, Lord.
Will I be granted this?
Do i have to go into the cathedral,
And collapse upon my knees,
In front of the crucifix,
Before I can be helped?
Please!
Just tell me what to do,
And I swear I will do it.
I tell you this,
Night after lonely night.
I cry to you as I dig into my arms.
I sing my prayers in all of my songs.
I write ou notes.
I do not know what to do anymore,
And you refuse to tell me how
To help myself.
You must be listening,
But I will pretend that you
Are too busy.
After all,
You have the whole human race to care for,
And I am just one tattered soul.
If I am wrong,
And you hear my cries,
Show me the lighted path to take.
I await you lord.
Until then,
Well,
I will tell myself you,
Are in fact busy.
Because if I lose hope that
You will help me,
Then how can I believe in myself?
Forgive me Father,
For I have fallen farther,
Than you can reach.
Perhaps,
One day,
I can find my way back to you.
But, I will to continue
To speak to you,
Each and every night.
I cannot give up,
On the only hope that maybe,
Someday,
You will hear me.
AMEN