Wandering alone
At the gates of testimony
I weep
Endlessly
Do I deserve this?
What could I have changed?
Am I the man I promised I\'d be?
Do my own kids even look up to me?
It started off well
Days and days passed by
I followed his every command
From the opening of the great book
To the way I treated His holy land
I did it all right
Until one night
I suddenly fell
Relaxed and dazed but content
Arising I awoke from my slumber
I didn\'t stay up all night, or at least I hadn\'t meant
This life wasn\'t easy anymore
I felt judged
Ridiculed
Dejected
Those closest to me were gone
Those farthest from me were close
To close
I felt out of place
I said to myself, \"I don\'t belong here.\"
Not \"here\" as in location
But this general place
I\'m not like anyone else
As soon as things go wrong
The evil comes crying out to me
Wanting me
Every demon wants it of me
For their purpose commends
And sometimes I feel as if
They are my only friends
Do I deserve this?
What could I have changed?
Am I the man I promised I\'d be?
Do my own kids even look up to me?
Pure and genuine
Humble and truthful
These are the credos I once lived by
When originally afflicted by Jesus Christ\'s great compassion
I had been like this for a great while
The narrow path led to infinite doubt
Despite the claims against him I continued to walk mile by mile
Until I could no longer walk alongside Jesus route
I turned to darkness
Adultery
Lust
Carelessness
Dishonesty
My life was a cloud of uncertainty
Living inside of me were the demons I could not fend off
Always calling …
Always begging…
They never leave me
Until I call out to God
But sometimes...
He doesn\'t answer me...
Is it something I did?
Do I deserve this?
What could I have changed?
Am I the man I promised I\'d be?
Do my own kids even look up to me?
Now I call out to you God
I want to love the people
I want to love you
Let your grace rain down on me
I deserve this
I could have changed.
I’m not the man I promised I’d be
My own kids don’t even look up to me
God,
I cry out to you
In my final hour
I have no power
I beg for your forgiveness
Save me
Please don’t reminisce
Lord…I’m sorry