sitting on a bathroom floor
staring at a door
can’t go back
can’t be real
numb to a razor
struggling to hold on,
not getting stronger
pupils get bigger and bigger
i become arcadian
what happens if I fade off the face of the earth
i know where you’d go
i know what you’d be
but what about me
don’t you see
i can’t be you
i can’t be him
i can’t be a god
i can’t find the line
the line that i drew
for a woman i knew no more
the woman who gave birth to me
suddenly had forgotten me
vodka bottles then lay by our family pictures
as another man slides into my once maternal mother
thats what she wanted
thats what she “needed”
the voices became louder
some were her moans
some were the demons
that haunted my family’s minds
receded
they told me to finish it
her one-night stands would not touch me again
her hands would not hit me again
“its better this way”
i can’t find my bandage
i can’t find my wound
everythings scarred
what do i do
the pills in my system
the blood on my hands
how did this happen
all with the faded wails of hands
but the music, it calmed me
the warm hands alated me
i felt my heart stop
soon everything was clear with a pop
the pop of gun
that was not mine
i knew i was hated
now I’m ascended