I have come to one of those rare times with myself that I know will evacuate me soon
A time where I wish that I could be someone other than who I am
I wish that I could just blow people off like they do to me
I wish that I was unable to see how cruel some people are
There is no answer for why
It is what it is
Some people are children at heart
With others, it is strictly business
I fall somewhere in between
I have never seen in only black and white
Sometimes I am comforted by the sunshine of the day
Other times I long to have eternal night
It does not really change me to go through all of my pain
I still keep thinking that I am a good candidate for love
But, I realize that I am somewhat of a control freak by nature
Like a glove that refuses to let go of the hand
Things never seem to go as planned
It makes me wonder if the plan is actually a jinx
I cannot help what happens after my brain thinks too long and hard
I cannot change the fact that my spirit is always ready to strike
On guard all the time
Not allowing myself to trust is a horrific crime upon my heart and soul
I wish that there was a happy median for me to discover
I am not human, with all of their assumptive extremes
I am aware that the truth lies in between them somewhere, if there is any truth at all
Patience was once part if a tall tale for me to say that I had
I am still learning how to master things that I may never know
It\'s best to keep growing rather than closing myself off completely
I am able to be who I am and I want those who are close to me to be the same
I don\'t want friends who can only be themselves when they are alone
Getting off on the fact that they are getting away with being themselves so discreetly
They are the biggest fucking liars of them all
Sneaky bastards who I cannot stand the sight of
The ones who never can own up to their own shit
I am done with them all
Fuck the games, I quit!
I don\'t care if I am called a quitter
All their lies
Their secrets
Their schemes
Get stuck in the pipes that are attached to their shitters
They can fool themselves forever
But, I won\'t let them fool me
I am sick of them glomming on to everyone I love
When I told them to get lost, I meant disappear
Not stick themselves to the pity of the nearest fool
Sometimes I think, maybe, that it\'s a blessing in disguise
Like two birds killed with one stone
The only other thing that makes any sense is their sick little quest to see to it that I am alone without them
This piss poor treatment must come to an end
It\'s not karma, because what they are isn\'t me
If it\'s what I get for being able to see through the veil, then I\'d rather be blind to it all
Foresight has never been a true friend
I\'m never going to be anything less than real, even though they believe me when I am pretending
Sometimes I am tempted to take advantage of them
To start bending their asses toward my will just because I can
But, instead, I go out of my way to find a happy median
Upon which I can gratefully stand....
12/14/2016