last night i cried for two hours
two solid hours
for no reason other than i was in pain
not physical pain
not the kind you can fix with a band aid
or a trip to the doctor
my pain is something that you can\'t see
until the after math
until my defenses are down and i\'m completely vulnerable
my pain runs into my core
i wouldn\'t exactly label it as pain
rather that it\'s a sadness with a relentless hold
and what accompanies it is pain
i never know why
there\'s no definitive answer
i\'ve done things to my body
that have affected my mind
but they are only one component
the rest remains a dreadful mystery
my mind remains clouded
with nonsense
and thoughts and voices that are not kind
my body shuts down
refusing anything but water
all the life is drained from it
i feel like a walking set of bones
i have no energy no joy
i have only my pain and the salty tears that run down my cheeks