my life story isn’t what you think
writing to me isn’t what you think
what i did way back then isn’t what you think
an anthem spoken but not believed
of a lifeless life that i manage to reconcile
every step i took from day one was all messed up
a show for everyone to watch me as i fail at my every screw up
the curtains wide open from my first step
all for the cards to flip
my ace vanished and all that lay in front of me
so deadly
was a Jack
lemme give you my back
lemme give you the knife
that\'s already in your hand
but i wouldn’t know
not until the first snow
when its too late for the show
pride is not my concern
i know there’s still good in me that burns
a fire merely subconsciously surviving yearns
born from a lover of many
from a day old
i already had a man’s heart
i made him stay
he tells me i was his most important delay
smell of cigarettes
depressions moved in his serinettes of wasted love
he loved my mother
though she didn’t know what love was
she still bothered
and he hovered
waisting away
like glass in the sea
all of his memories
were lies he made to appease me
giving me a life full of anything but agony
my father is everything to me
he fought the darkness
but not even the bravest man can save me from the world’s wickedness
nor the lioness
beaten and bruised
condemned by her twisted mind
pain was the only thing that soothed
not of her own heart
but to every kind
she found love where it wasn’t suppose to be
tricked by the serpent
her mind could never flee
her mind was worn
and she never knew how to use her heart
from birth she was torn apart
and there she stayed
in her hell for eternity
when she got a way out
it was easier to stay
where nothing ever changed
because she liked playing with death in his games
there was a time where the stars made her feel sane
where the sky and love were in the same lane
where i mattered to her
when her promises mattered
where her anthem was believed
when i fell asleep
when i felt something
something that’s not the pain that she hit me with
or lies choked with rope
or pills forced with guilt
or men pulled in by fake hopes
or love thought as a joke
or rum mixed with coke
or no sight for her children
who once loved her
as she gives no cares to care
or tries to gain our respect
or even loves us enough to get help to relent
but i strive for this gift
i will never lose the hope for my mother
as long as i believe
she’s meant for so much more
you’ll see
my mother\'s lost
but i hope she’ll be my mother
maybe once in a shining sea
these two human beings made me
i have no faith to go on
on how to be me
everything close to me is either scared or leaves
depression or anxiety
what happened to being happy ?
what happened to me ?
when i found out my father loved me ?
or when i decided my mother had lost me ?
or when i found out my mother left me ?
in an ocean of grief ?
because she chose those pills over me ?
all i got is sympathy
a pathetic pacifist with no mechanisms for bloody justice
blood is all that’s been spilt
i can remember the way i saw families
the way i saw the world
the way i saw my dreams
who i wanted to be
all that changed with new dreams
new feelings
new families
new truths
a different mother than the one who i remembered her being
a different father than who i remember him being
she was once so soothing
but that was even a lie
he was so sad
so hurt and mad
but now he’s kind of rad
in the close ending of this journey of many
my prince charming saved me from the evil
once again, there would be no bad
from a young age i knew i had a gift
from a young age i predicted the swift horrors coming
all based on dreams and feeling
i couldn’t stop any of it from happening
all i could do was pray for sympathy
in the end that’s what i always had
thoughts hitting me so hard
some with a fist
some with a pen
some with the notes swaying off keys
swaying off strings
just as i predicted
my mother’s ring swayed off like a minor chord
my father’s pen signed quickly
from one piano key to another
the feeling smothered me to sleep
the rain pouring its tumult
like beats on a drum
as i slowly strum
my heart away with a hum
little did i know
it was all coming
not far off in the distance
from the steps of a church
to confessing my love
to learning love
to feeling love
to killing love
to missing love
repeat
all a vast bleak
heart sinks
repeat
self pity
still pretty
as i lie with words of truth
to a life long best friend
that i knew ill always love
mistake after another
i predict my outbreak
my genuine love and heart break
give or take
it all ends with lies and a snake
just like my mother
all fake
my father
sad and naive
i convinced myself i was a remake
the sequel to their mistakes
that’s what my dreams were for
predictions
that i might slip
that’s ill fall
the stakes are high
but the pressures low
all because they did nothing
and so am i
i stand with my arm in the sky
asking for a sign
most of my short life
because every time i do
i feel peace
or i lose
all because my faith becomes loose
my spirit falls asleep when i see the past
or i catch new chains
and my mind goes back to a foregoing
where words meant nothing and the sea was vast
a new poem created
all because my chained turned to dust
and my past turned to nothing but a testimony
given to help the melancholy
the sad souls who can’t fall into dismal
no deeper then their hole
that\'s already dug
the longer my past
the longer my rope
the deeper the hole
the deeper the hope
all sympathy is given
don’t loose innocence
and most of all don’t loose hope
imagine a world so colorful and radiant
what would you do if all your pain went away
who would you be
would you have good
a candle on fire
this world is bad
but don’t let that stop you
keep your fire lit
bigger than a candle
make it a pit
your fire is you
humanity is what we are
im not my mother
im not my father
i am myself
and I aspire to be brighter than the sun itself
that\'s all i have
the strings of a guitar
mistakes
a pen and paper
love
that\'s my humanity
its who i am
who are you...