To my ex lover,
Who I loved very deeply. I poured out every bit and piece of my heart out to you. I shared every weird things about me, my turn ons, and turn offs, I shared my interests, and endless secrets.
I don\'t want to write this to hurt you, nor try and get pay back. This is the way I\'ve been coping. The thoughts and memories of you, keep me awake at night. They cause me to have so much pain and suffering, the wounds are still open from the cold words you said to me. This is my way of mending and filling the empty holes that have been consuming me for the last year I\'ve known you.
Do you remember our late night laughs and talks, my sobs that broke your heart when you heard them, or all of the cuts and burns I had that tore you to shreds?
Do you remember our first argument on how you weren\'t like the rest of my exes? And how you weren\'t ever going to break my heart into trillions of pieces. I was so fearful I was going to loose you, and I did.
Everyone thought that we were going to get married, and be together forever. They thought you were the one, as well as I. You called it quits because of your \"depression\". We could have made it work baby. We really could have.
I lost the boy who made my sad days go brighter and my happy days even happier.
But I lost the self hate and lingering questions on why I\'m suicidal, and unhappy I had with you. You wouldn\'t pay attention to me and I never realized it. You didn\'t ever want me, you just used me for your own good to watch me become completely in love with you and then destroy me. I am much happier without you, I was constantly thinking and worrying with you. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder because of how much I was scared of loosing you. I couldn\'t see why I was beating myself up and thinking I\'m not beautiful with you. And having to let you go made me realize it all. Thank you.
I thank you for the broken promises, and the hurtful words. I thank you for the blatant excuses and the lies that came with them. I thank you for all the times you chose other people over me (and God knows how painful it is to be your least priority). I thank you for the inconsistency and the plans never made into action. I thank you for the days I spent locked inside my room, wondering if I did something wrong. I thank you for the heartbreak. It is indeed painful, more than I could ever put into words. But it helped me, somehow. So thank you.
I can\'t lie. My heart still shatters every time I\'m reminded of you. Hell, I use to want to be able to tear myself apart for you in a heartbeat. I slowly learning to stop. My pen would always bleed your name, that\'s the truth. You would always be a part of me. But someday — sooner, I hope — I\'ll finally be able to let you go. This letter is one step closer to moving on, and I find comfort in making this letter and getting my feelings out finally. Thank you.
- 🌸Kylie Sierra Harper Ryne Musselman Faiella-Willis Holbrooke. 🌸