It has been over a year since I let the calculator in my head go on vacation.
Weather you like it or not an eating disorder can only ever go on vacation.
You cannot rid your body of it until you rid your lungs of air, and these disorders
can only go ever go on vacation even though everyone says you are not your disorders
how can you not become these things?
How can you not become them when anytime someone gets close enough you have to tell
them these problems that weren\'t supposed to become you and the truth is, they will become you.
Sometimes people stop seeing you and they only see the disorders that weren\'t supposed to become your identity.
My moms says these things make me unique but there is nothing special about cut marks and scars.
They do not make me beautiful.
My mom used to say I choose to be like this but nothing about me is a choice I\'d chose.
Sometimes I pray to god asking to be different, and of course I\'ll wake up to the same damaged me.
Sometimes I wish most people in my life were blessings instead of lessons but you have to be grateful for the little things.
I can only hope the people in my life see me for who I am and not these monsters.
I hope he can love my demons and silence them the way I wish he\'d let me do for him.