I wandered,
I was a wanderer.
through life, through the days
trudging along
searching for meaning
even if it was in the darkest corners of the room nobody else dared to go
I think you caught onto this
realized how easy it would be for you to perfidiously mesmerize me
twirl yourself around my finger
intertwine into my life
take control
I still tell myself it was me who welcomed you in.
I sought,
I was a seeker.
I craved something more
the same way
a baby feels compelled to reach towards the radiant flames upon a stove top
incognizant of the pain hidden behind the beauty
I think you knew this
how easy it would be to create this disillusionment
of the incredulous things you could do for me
a falsification amidst your disingenuous saving
you gave me comfort
before I knew how your flame would really feel
I still tell myself I needed your warmth (burns) to survive.
I dreamed,
I was a dreamer.
which made it easier for you to swoop in as my knight in shining amour
only if I knew
you catered a hoax
hiding beneath your panoply of lies
you didn’t save me
you took your sword
and taught me to swallow it
I was grateful
until you twisted it
deceit
I still tell myself we were fit for a fairy tale.
the doctors tell me
you were awfully close to achieving your goal
and all along
I thought your goal was simply to be my friend
to help me grow
to help me attain perfection
I didn’t know
that all you really wanted
in the end
was to take my life
I still wander, seek, and dream without you