I wonder if......?
Those were the glorious words
That stopped me sliding ever downward
To that black hole that was pulling
Me to the end of this existence.
Four in a million....
Were the odds of developing
This debilitating condition that was
So difficult to diagnose
I wonder if......?
The registrar, newly qualified?
In discussions with her mentor
About my lack of sleep, never-ending
Headaches and absolute fatigue said:
“I wonder if.....?
So then I was tested.
The blood so freely taken by anyone
Who seemed to want it.
Almost dragged from the street
As I passed any Doctors’ surgery.
Then that day when the diagnosis
Was confirmed, the Doctor said
“Yes,This is what you have!”
“We will now need to operate,
Deep within your head!”
The surgeon, dressed in white,
All powerful to his pupils,
Full of confidence that relayed to me
The complete certainty,
That all would be right!
The surgeon came onto the ward
He told me that the operation may result
In my awaking with a headache!
I smiled as I told him that,
I was used to them by now!
Where does the time go?
I was talking to a Doctor as he
Anaesthetised me when, he changed,
Into a nurse asking me,
“Was I alright?”
.
Having lost four hours of my life.
Not knowing where the time went
Puzzles me.
Asleep you are aware of time passing
But not when drugged. Strange!
Where was the headache I was promised.
The old “friend?” gone at last!
Free from pain after so many years,
Was all going to be fine now, after,
Thirteen years of suffering!
God was back in my mind!
My faith lost; the last thing to go
As I fell into the pit of despair, that was
So hard for loved ones to cope with.
But God came back!
The ward, full of humour became
My home for a week, I laughed,
And I cried, although not of despair.
The staff also joking, laughing with me.
But the air professionalism, paramount!
I listened to music on the miniature player
That held much of the music that was important to me
So my thanks go to God and all of the staff,
To Johan Sebastian, Wolfgang Amadeus and
Ol’ Satchelmouth himself!
Since leaving the hospital totally cured,
A second chance at life changed me!
I see things in a positive way, always looking for
The good, in both people and situations, despite
The pessimism of most!
So my thanks to the registrar who,
When discussing my case with her
Professorial mentor, that time back when she,
Uttered those words of such value to me
I wonder if…...?
(This poem has been both long in coming and in writing but I needed to write this, it is important to me – AndyB)