I\'m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I fall asleep every night uncomfortable with the man beside me even when I remember what it was like to be in love. The back of my head always pounds and I stumble as I wake because I can\'t feel the ground. My eyes sting from lack of sleep and when I look in the mirror they are red with regret. He pulls my body on his and enjoy it for a short while until I remember conversations we have had and recent memories that are not worth keeping around and then somehow the light switch turns off. I lay down and fall asleep acting like everything is okay. He tells me everything is okay. Everything is okay. But it is only okay. He tells me to quit speaking of problems that do not exist when really being okay is the problem because when you can\'t move your limbs go numb. Why live a life with ups and downs when you can only stay still? I think to myself was I ever really in love at all or was I in love with ideals. When you scream and no one hears, you die.