It’s eight ‘o’ clock on Monday morning
And a certain someone is on the bus to town
It’s the start of another hectic week
In the life of Edith Brown
At ten she meets her old friend Pam
In the Pink Teapot Cafe
There\'ll be tea and cakes waiting for her
And as usual Pam won’t let her pay
Pam will moan about her husband Fred
Who’s the laziest man on earth
Ever since she married him
He’s been more trouble than he’s worth
Edith will listen attentively
But she’s cautious to offer advice
Pam can be very defensive
Sometimes downright nasty to be precise
When the tea and cakes are drunk and eaten
Edith and Pam go their separate ways
No hug as they part company
Cos Pam\'s not keen on public displays
Edith goes home and does some ironing
Then sits down to watch TV
With a cuppa and a plate of digestives
On a lap-tray upon her knee
When seven-thirty comes around
It’s time for Edith to put up her feet
With a steaming cup of hot chocolate
Watching Coronation Street
She goes to bed at ten-thirty
And wakes up each day at six
After a glass of hot water and lemon
Her fried breakfast she will fix
Two eggs, two sausages and a slice of fried bread
She eats the same thing every day
She’s just about due for her cholesterol check
Goodness knows what her doctor will say
Tuesday is the day she bakes
Cakes she’s not supposed to eat
She uses guesswork for the measures
And ends up with enough cakes to feed the street
On Wednesday Edith plays Bridge
With some friends she’s known for years
Sometimes they play in her sitting room
Other times they play in theirs
One particular friend called Sally
Plays her cards close to her chest
She makes up the rules to suit herself
Much to the dismay of the rest
Whenever she is playing
She likes a large glass of gin
And when someone has a bit of luck
She swears down she\'s let them win
On Thursdays, Edith goes to the market
Where there are bargains to be found
But the site is on a car-park
Where large potholes are profound
Many a time she’s almost dislocated
Her newly-fitted plastic hip
Not looking where she’s going
And resulting in a trip
The stalls are full of varied things
From furniture to lemonade
Electrical appliances and ornaments
And lots of lamps without a shade
Friday afternoons, Edith goes to the cinema
To see the latest blockbuster
Her favourite film is ‘Son of the Morning Star’
In which Gary Cole played General Custer
At the weekend she takes it easy
Doing a crossword or reading a book
She hopes that no-one needs to contact her
Because her phone is off the hook
She’s got tired of cold-callers
Wanting to know who’s her energy supplier
They pestered her so much
She felt like disconnecting the telephone wire
She’s had a laid-back weekend
Now it’s time to go to sleep
Before Monday morning comes
And the start of another busy week
If you pop into the Pink Teapot Cafe
When you’re in the town
The lady at the table near the window
Is the one and only Edith Brown