I can\'t sleep anymore
most nights, past the witching hour, my mind bursts into consciousness, and my eyes open
im awake, and alive, and miserable
everyone hates to wake up at 3 in the morning
that\'s when ill thoughts creep into my brain
then again, that\'s how I see myself most days
a champion of negative will
i lie in a malaise, while cars and night birds and things that go bump in the night creep past my window
yet all that my conscious mind focuses on is my grandmother\'s snores
they rumble like bear growls in some forgotten cave in Yosemite
and echo in the halls
I love her, and I love very few people
the negative thoughts creep in
she\'ll die one day
so will my mother
so will my father
one day, her rumbling snores will stop, and the hallway will softly croon in emptiness
I can\'t sleep anymore
i lie awake with bags under my eyes
the nightingales\' songs try to lull me back
but cigarette smoke and gun powder out my window keeps my eyes open and heart sad
the negative thoughts creep in
i\'ve forgotten how to be happy
how to make friends
how to please a woman
to carry a tune
to be human
to be
maybe when Jesus Christ suffered in the garden of Gethsename, it was 3 am
sweating blood for mankind\'s short comings
he doesnt deserve this
I would\'ve taken his beatings
suffering\'s monument
i can\'t sleep anymore
the blankets are cold and the pillows, too warm
while the roaches and mice nestle under my bed, dreaming dreams only vermin dream of
i lie awake in bed, thinking of all the failed relationships I\'ve had and the people I\'ve abandoned
and I\'m sorry
im so fucking sorry
I think everyone wants to die at 3 am
then face the new dawn two hours later