Purple
Is the color of when it happened
The exact shade of melting grape popsicles
A deep and blanketing color
Surrounded you
Surrounded me
You breathe out
I breathe in
I didn\'t notice it at first
The thick purple fog
Until i couldn\'t breathe
Choking on it
Drowning in it
I only noticed when
You let go of the hands
That destroy more than they create
I lifted up the corners of the universe
Searching for you
From when you let go
And when I thought I found you
I realized I never really had you
In the first place
Im forgetting the sound of your voice
And i haven’t decided yet whether
That is making or breaking me
You said
That this was taking its toll on you
But what about me?
Do you even know how hard this is for me?
That made everything inside of me
Catch fire
And i hate myself for being angry
That you could never understand
The skinless patches dotting my lips
That feels the way cut grass smells
Or that my throughs alone
Have made my body an ant farm
Full of things in too scared to understand
Im angry
And i hate myself for being angry
At you for leaving
I should be angry at myself
For not noticing
That my mind is racing backwards
Confusing colors with sound
Friend with foe
For thinking that the venom
Dripping down my chin
Tasted like peach tea
Now i\'m apologizing
Every other week
Promising that i finally learned
How to float again
Even though
I\'m not sure i ever knew how to
In the first place
If anything i\'ve filled my pockets
With all of my heavy burdens
So i\'m slipping
Further and further
Out through the soles of my shoes
The ones you helped me pick out
Purple has never
Hurt me like this
A baseball bat crushing my ribcage
Kind of sensation
But i guess there is a first
For everything
I don\'t blame you really
For jumping ship
Before its inevitable
Downfall
I wish I could have too
But i\'m forced to live inside this vessel
That i\'ve capsized too many times
And tried to patch the holes
With memories I found in my attic
Like the time
You challenged the thunder
To become something bigger than itself
As the hurricane that laced our breath
With lightning
Moved with us across the mud
Your laugh meeting mine in the air
To create something
That I would later destroy
Or the time
We flipped through
Your old family albums
Your smile wide enough
To bring all the walls down
Your favorite was
The picture of your family
Laughing and drinking iced tea
Because they were all
Smiling at different things
You’ve always had
A beautiful mind
Because of the way I am
And the way I think
And because you were so, so
Purple
Nothing will ever be as sweet
As when you would
Gently strum the strings of your guitar
I would always fall asleep
Because you made the room
Feel like blankets
And the thought
Of never being able to forget
How you were so
Green-yellow
Back then
Sends me drowning
The memory of
Your green eyes
That could pass of as blue
And how you always say
Pretty things
About ugly people
Fills my lungs
Making me feel
Like drinking lemonade
Upside down
A burning remorseful feeling
Propelling me to rock bottom
Where I meet a girl
With mismatched eyes
And a laugh that could cause natural disasters
Now there\'s something that i\'ve been trying to express
For the past two years
Lodged in my throat
Ever since she got a cast
For a papercut
And I got a bandaid For
A bullet wound
The memory is dry and unwavering
Like swallowing sand
And I don\'t recall when it happened
Only that it did
It feels like the purest of ice water
In my veins
And i\'m dying of thirst
A thirst to feel anything other than
The crushed velvet in my lungs
Or the moldy clementines
In my stomach
Yes
You hurt me, purple
By mailing the bruises
Back to sender
But I can\'t shake you off my fingertips
Like I could with everyone else
But you
You were different
After the fact
I never thought that you were
But maybe
I wasn’t
You spend all your time
Creating beautiful waves
Big ones
That looked like they were grabbing
At the sky
For someone
That was facedown in the sand the whole time