She gave me a deadline to come up with an answer for what I plan to do next
The truth is, I am really not sure
I haven\'t been in quite some time
Is anyone?
I feel hexed
This town was simply not built for me
I have known that much ever since this unsolvable little riddle was spun upon my loom
Demonic forces spread and swarm
I cannot remember much at all since the brutal Winter set in except for that I cannot remember ever once feeling the contentment of being completely warm
My heart and mind have been frozen in an embankment of silver ice
I have been very naughty, yes indeed
Because, I fed up with blindly being too humble, too nice
Santa and all his elves would be appalled if they could see how absent-minded I recently became
The Calvary sent in their pitiful soldiers to rob me blind
They must have thought that I am dumb to the game
The same old tired song and dance that I have played upon this chessboard a countless many times before
There eventually comes a blessed time
A point when the body who still has its soul must give up and leave idiots behind them, forcing them to settle their own scores
One guy who came to me hungry with his hands out begging could not even make it through the first hour
I left to go get breakfast for everyone, so he took his chances and headed out the door with my brand new 13oo dollar laptop that was to become my life blood
I am sure he avoided the cameras via the fire escape
This time, no Super Hero in tights and a cape came to my rescue
I am stuck with their guilt wearing upon my own kicking myself in the head for losing my belongings again
Stuck like a kid in the corner
I am afraid of what she will say when I tell her
I fell
I can only move forward and pull myself back up on my own two feet to start over yet again
But, I will never be able to do it here all wrapped up in a bed of lies
I cannot pretend that all of this has been but a dream
I feel awful for trusting
Lousy for caring
Losing touch with my own self-esteem, like any of this is anything new
This is certainly not my first rodeo
My cherry has been popped hundreds of times
I feel like a vagrant, a helpless savage
It was not me who committed these crimes
Here I am now all alone
Back at the beginning
Starting over again
I hope that my next decision will not hurt her because this is not at all what I thought that I would decide
This has nothing to do with my level of respect, my morale, nor my pride
It has nothing to do with her at all
It is a game of poker
This is the hand I\'ve been dealt
I wish that it would be as easy as being made of brown sugar
For then, I would just need to wait until the icicles start dripping downward
To stand underneath them and just melt away...
1/28/2013