Dreams used to be a safe place for me.
When things got rough, I could run.
I could run from ruthless killers
I could run from natural disasters
I could run away from painful memories.
I could run from anything.
Things are changing inside me.
My dreams force me to deal with my fears.
An unwilling closure of some sort.
I know that dreams are relentless in telling us the truth about ourselves, but why must it compromise the only escape I have from myself?
It started out as a subtle change.
She would pop up here or there, causing my temper to finally be unleashed upon her stupid face.
From there it progressed.
She slithered into my dreams until she became my main focus.
There is no escaping her now.
I would go through various phases phases when I saw her.
Sometimes I\'d be angry.
Sometimes I would feel bad for her. But more often than not I would want to forgive her and move on.
The thing is though that I\'m not ready to move on, and I doubt that I\'ll ever be.
Tonight was one of my forgiving nights.
It felt so real.
I got separated from my love, and there she was.
Instead of making her pay for the rift she made bigger, I wanted to hear her side.
I wasn\'t prepared to do that.
She told me her truth.
That he came to her looking for that physical bond.
That she let it happen because - well, why not? She had nothing to lose.
We did not get far into detail before my own imagination took over and I could see them together.
I could see them breaking my heart and it was too much for me to not get emotional.
My eyes swelled up with tears, and
I remember the dream fading out of focus
I remember a voice saying that was enough for now.
And I remember even more arguing that I could handle it.
I remember even more my desperation for this to be done.
But when I woke up, there was no more patients or remorse for her.
Just the longer of that distinct memory, a foul taste in my heart, and a combination of rage and agony settling in my stomach.
I am tired in more ways than one.
I want to move on, I want to forget.
But the process is slow,
And I feel my strength fading.
I can feel myself givin up bit by broken bit