The lights are out in this place where I hang
Socializing via the distance between our mouths and the flickering candlelight
It just makes me realize what I never want to become and know clearly what I never wish to be
Dumber than dumb I have been again
He managed, somehow, to toss me head-first back into his brutal waters just to watch me take a long swim solo
The breast stroke without the bounce back
The pilgrimage with no return
I was on my way to go take him away but I could never find it in me to just get up and go
Then, bam!
Low and behold, he hit me with the last thing I expected to hear at the time
He has suddenly fallen in love with someone else
His telephone calls dwindled down to none, when they were coming in eight to ten times a day
I have a brand new nemesis
A faceless raven that has landed on his back to sway him away from loving me
Calling him his babe (LIKE THAT?)
The tone in his voice changed completely
His sentences became short and then became muffled sounds
I was unable to retort in any way, shape, or form
The storm clouds welled up and settled in to the skies that cradle my soul from above
His existence no longer has the power to shove me over the edge of a cliff in disbelief
They just hang there in my wake, ravenous and wrong
I have already heard this song
I have already seen this dance
There is now more than just a chance of light showers in my immediate forecast
Oh well, I knew that he would somehow make them fall again
My only call of duty in this world now seems to be to remain upright
Standing still and star board against the wall
Watching what was supposed to be my own fate unfolding right before my very eyes
I want him to do what is best for him but my ego denies me to allow it
SO, the defense mechanisms that haunt my mind are unleashed upon the entire ordeal like an abominable hex
Cast out upon the waves of fury that are born every time I thin of him having sex with someone other than me
Sitting here all numb, in the stench of my stagnancy
It makes me want to kill , to shoot dead his little fuck of a mocking bird
I understand now the benefits of making time come to a stand still
Like putting the program on pause
Only, this is no movie, it is my bitter reality
Time is not linear
Reality is
Nothing will be done without the equivalent karmic debt being paid
Probably why I haven\'t killed any niggas yet, despite being thrown mercilessly into the shade
His future with his new boy wonder is already set to be destroyed
He is already confused, frustrated, and annoyed
It has gone on and off and on and off again already
Like he is trying to force the flame of love to strike a pose and wants me to help him hold it steady
There is no way anyone will ever be able to muster the strength that it takes to truly love him like I have
Still, I never did succeed
I know that it must not be him that I need
Sitting still in the earliest part of tomorrow morning
Trying desperately to avoid the pull of the night
I need Father Ra to rise and enter me
Granting me my first breath of fresh daylight
I have failed in loving him in so many different ways
I guess that is what I get for chasing after unicorns who have ravens on their back so far away and out of sight
Never again
No way
A chase that ended in the daylight
I may as well let it all go , give them both a fair chance
Live and let live
Love and let love
11/04/2011