Here it is again.
That feeling, them feelings, all that feeling.
So much feeling, I am unable to feel at all. As I sit there staring into emptiness, trying to soothe my emptiness.
Trying to escape
Escape from what?
Me, Myself or I?
Anxiousness stirs as I\'m lost. Sitting there knowing I should be moving. Knowing I should be doing something else, being something else.
I can not move.
My mind moves, that is always moving. Past, future, never now. Never present.
I will do this tomorrow.
I should have done that yesterday.
Never now.
Never here and now. To ask about now. How do I feel about now?
Scared, lost, alone. That is too real. I can\'t escape from that.
Think about thinking, breathe, don\'t breathe, breathe too much. Here comes the panic. The inevitable doom.
Escape?
Escape where?
Why am I escaping again?
From what, from whom?
Well from me of course, thats who.
Is this how it\'s supposed to feel, I mean to really feel?
If its is, I would rather not feel. To be solid, to be stone, but then to be ridgid and cold.
I would still feel alone.
It\'s hard to write this down, to see it all. The broken pieces, black and white.
Clear as day, clear as mud.
I have to try, and try I must. To claw my way into the clear, where it is lighter and not full of fear.
I wrote this not to rhyme but the words just fit so nicely every time.
I wish words would fit as neat in my mind. I wish when I sat there, peace I could find.
Why is it so hard for some, or is it hard for all?
Who knows when we have all built a wall. Who are we all pretending to be?
Who am I trying to be?
My best version?
Yet I still yearn for that escape. Into what and why?
Why can\'t I just be I?
Not me, not myself.
Just I.