I wait as long as it takes for a good storm
Lightning skipping across the grey sky followed closely by the claps of thunder
Every storm brings its own music
These storms make me melancholy
I put on the playlist I named \"sad face emoji\" and sit at the sliding glass door
I let myself think of him here
I have sat here so many times
Some nights were warm tea and warm blankets and warm heart
The sun showers
Some were sheets of ice, black coffee, runny make up
Tonight though, it\'s just a tiny crack in the foundation I keep sticking my fingernails into
Wondering if the whole house will come down
Each boom of thunder makes me think of something new
How his mom would stay in the car until the rain stopped sometimes
How during dreary days, he wouldn\'t let me get out of bed so we could lay there together forever
How we walked through a hurricane for ice cream barefoot once a long time ago
How I wonder what kinds of memories he\'s making with her now
I wonder if she likes thunderstorms too
When the sky lights up, the electricity heads straight towards me
It enters through my ring finger in my left hand
It doesn\'t kill me, it just ignites the neurons in my head
The ones that remember him
Sometimes I sit in the rain and let it coat my skin in promise
It kisses my fingertips like he used to
But I\'m inside tonight, watching the trees swing,
They\'re drinking the rain the way I drank him in
On the nights the world pauses to figure out what drowning would feel like
I let myself remember
Drowning, I think, is a lot like saying goodbye
Goodbye is a thunderstorm
It is a booming whisper, electric, and destructive
Goodbye feels like drowning, the flowers can tell you
Goodbye is sitting at a sliding glass door, looking outside, wondering when it will all stop
Goodbye is praying that the foundation will hold up
This is goodbye
This is the loudest thunder clap
The brightest lightning
This is ripping the sky into small pieces to see what\'s behind it
This is goodbye
A grey sky, a heavy rain
A storm we\'ve all been waiting forP