Have you ever stayed awake at night and stared at the ceiling? 
Have you ever had big dreams, but couldn\'t catch them?
Have you ever screamed so loud and still nobody could hear you?
Have you ever laughed at the face of death and then went home that same night and cried yourself to sleep? 
Have you ever just wanted to end it all, have you ever tried?

I have.

No I don\'t hate myself, actually I\'m quite \"in love\" with myself.
I\'m not ugly, I\'m smart, I actually have a lot going for me It\'s just I have this flaw, This flaw seems to push people away but I just cannot put my finger on it.
I mean I care about everyone,
I literally try my hardest to keep peace in my life.
Yes I\'ve made mistakes but I\'ve done everything in the book to redeem them, so what is it?

My whole life has been a struggle from within.
I\'ve always had this inside of me, this Demon.
I help everyone, I love everyone, but everyone always ends up leaving me. It\'s like I\'m cursed with this power of healing, but in return I suck up all the bad energy, or is this just my karma finally catching up to me?

I\'ve been raped, I\'ve hurt, I\'ve pulled knives, guns, I\'ve robbed, I\'m an alcoholic, I\'ve ran from the police, I\'ve loved the wrong person. I\'ve been used, abused, tortured, I\'ve been held down by my throat! Murdered from the inside.... My Karma.... My Karma was to lose everything I have and love...

My Karma was to start a new because the people I thought I loved, didn\'t love me.
They were part of this on going trauma. God sent someone my way with a back bone because let\'s face it, I\'m a warrior. It takes the bravest, and strongest to get me to listen, and because of my stubbornness, and lack of communication with god, he has sent me the big banger and it\'s 2018.