A Letter to my Dad
Dad
This letter is not to force you to apologize
Nor is it a way to get back at you for all those lies
It is rather a letter for me to get over you
I do not want to choose words that are rude
However you should know this is all true
I never thought I would have
Enough courage to tell you as my dad
That I am done with the pain and the sad.
I am done trying to pretend
That there was a magical happily ever end.
I can’t go living in a mound of hurt
Trying to bury the pain under the dirt.
I have to tell you exactly how I feel
This letter is full of authenticity and all things real.
Do you remember the way you treated me as a young child?
You created a nurturing world full of laughter and smiles.
I had a great time when you came to school
Where you played your guitar and I danced like a fool.
I have many good memories from that period of my life
Full of beautiful adventures providing such bright light
But near my fourteenth birthday the light dimmed, the doctor sat you down
And told you there was a tumor that he found.
He told you that you and our family we were so full of luck
Because he had caught the cancer early enough.
In my eyes this diagnosis was far from fantastic
Because this is when you changed from being sane to overdramatic
Your cancer finally went away
Taking with it the dad I would have loved to stay.
You became bitter and angry
Your change in character seriously scared me.
You were not your self I could tell
Instead of talking things out you would always yell.
Fighting became part of your daily routine
I was confused because you were not who you used to be
But little did I know that things would only get worse.
You would choose alcohol to numb your hurt.
You first started to drink a little too much
Which I thought was okay because you were just having fun
But slowly you started to abuse
The substance that you believed would you get through
But you failed to realize that this was a dangerous game
That would lead to so much anger and pain
I will never forget my freshman year
Full of ainxt and endless fear
I thought that maybe one day you would stop
And realize how much pain your alcoholism had caused.
Did you ever just pause in the moment and see
That all of your poor choices developed into a disease?
I lived in fear day and night
Protecting your youngest daughter from all the fright.
I suddenly became the caregiver for your family
The one to comfort all who were closest to me.
I would not be able to tell you how many times I would stay up at night
And just cry because this was now my normal life.
I lost all hope for you and the world
Thinking that life would always leave me this sore
Senior year came to an end
But I couldn’t leave, I had your family to defend.
At this point you were very sick
And you started to do a lot of shit
Like drinking and driving with me in the car
The dad I once knew was oh so far.
You broke a lot of rules
Even the ones you already knew.
I was so scared for your life and safety
And numerous nights we would hide your keys.
This terrifying life that I was living
Became the only thing that kept me living .
At 23 I tried to take my life
Because I was so tired and wanted to die
I wanted to ease my worries and distress
It was the best thing to think of laying to rest
I almost died that day
And mom told you to go away
And you just laughed in her face asking why she was full of disgrace
But really she told you to pack your bags and leave
Because she wanted to set her family free
Of torment and horror that we breathed
This was turning point for us
I could live freely and trust
It was the best decision that she ever made
Getting me out of that dark dark cave
I could finally be myself
Without worrying about you and everyone else.
After reading this how do you feel?
I wonder to myself if you believe this is real.
But I can longer stand around and wait for
You to apologize for all your past mistakes
You can only choose for yourself
If you ever want to get any help
As I come to the end of this letter
Please know that I am so much better
I am the happiest that I have been in my life
Because I don’t have to keep up with your fights
You do not have to beg me to forgive you
You can choose your own avenue
I would love for you to walk me down the aisle
Or hold my newborn baby child.
But if you continue to live this way
There’s absolutely no point for me to stay.
I hope you choose the path to recovery
Because you mean so much to me
For now I will you bid you adu
Because like I said I am through
I wish you motivation to change in a healthy way
But I will no longer wait here and stay.
Sincerely, your middle daughter