I looked at you as a father figure for me because you have been there so long for me
I looked at you as my hero because when I was crying you were always there to tell me it was okay
I looked at you like a friend because I could talk to you about anything
But how dare you take advantage of me
I was little I didn\'t understand what was happening
now I am scared for the rest of my life
I blamed myself for what happened those two years of my life
I blamed my mother for what happened
but it wasn\'t my fault or hers it was yours
I don\'t live how I want to live because of you
I wonder if you can live day by day not thinking about what happened
I wondered how it affected you if it did
I live with a scared thought in my mind and that is am I going to run into you one day
you took my childhood away I had to grow up fast
I couldn\'t be a kid
My family split when I was 17 because of what happened.
I now have my own two kids and I hope and pray that it don\'t happen to them
I live in fear of men because of you
its hard for me to trust them around my kids because of you
Once I lived a fear that I was going to end up like you
But I am not because I know from wrong and riight
I didn\'t ask for this
I didn\'t want this
I didn\'t want to be scared for life
I didn\'t want to have these flash backs
I didn\'t want to have to tell every guy I am with what happened but had to so they understand that are certain things I won\'t do
I have to sit and there after telling a male that I am with and worry if they are going to say it was my fault
I have to sit there and worry about if they are going tell me well you didn\'t stop it because you liked it.
You won\'t ever know what I feel because you don\'t care
cause if you did you wouldn\'t done what you have done to me
I have people who hate me and I didn\'t want them to
I have became so distant to some that I was close to back then
I stick to myself and because of that I have fell into depression
I had Luckily found two men that understand and tell me it wasn\'t my fault
one of them passed and the other is my husband
My grandmother told me hate is a strong word and that I shouldn\'t use it
but with you I think there is an excuse
I hate you for the scare you left me to deal with
I hate you because those who couldn\'t turn you in have to live with they didn\'t get any justice in there life
I don\'t feel as if I got any justice because I just wanted you to die
I am scared because of you and I don\'t know if I am able to heal.
its been years and you would think that I would have already let it go but I have not
I live in fear everyday
I can\'t look at a male and say I trust you because I don\'t
I don\'t until they push their way through to me
and some of them give up
some of the don\'t take the time
I am scared and I remember your smell and your face
I am scared because of you