once and awhile, she would test herself. how much she has improved or worsened. today is the day. she is prepared but at the same time, not at all. she asks to enter the ring and her opponent is big, much larger than herself, but still the same. one punch and she’s out. couldn’t eat for days afterwards, she was devastated. she can’t handle the defeat. she boycotts her enemy by not eating. she faces the opponent again and it’s a little smaller, more manageable. people wonder why she is standing in her bathroom scale, checking her weight all of the time. it worries them when she collapses to the floor in a fit of disappointment and cries.