Dear Mama,
I made you a promise and I broke it, it actually hurts like hell as I write this.
Before you died you made me promise you some things and truth be told I broke them. First promise you said was to never gain weight and let myself go so I wouldn\'t go through everything you went through. Well truth be told a past relationship and stress got to me and I ate until I felt sane again. I stand in the mirror and just look at myself and see everything you didn\'t want me to become. I try so hard to fix it and every time I feel like every thing is okay I get pushed back 10 steps further. I know this ain\'t the life you wanted for me and I\'m sorry........
Ya know I ask myself sometimes why...... Why am I even still living.... How the fuck did I even make it this far without shedding a tear or having a mental break down. Being so strong... DAMN IT MOM it\'s hard ! I look so much like you and it hurts that I couldn\'t even keep a simple promise to you.
Before you died you told me that no matter what I do just make sure the kids always come first and to remain strong for them... FUCK!!!!!!!! How can I ? It\'s tearing me down and breaking me on the inside, I keep trying to think of what you would say but I can\'t. I want someone to talk to with out them saying be strong or you\'ll get through. Cause little do they know the thoughts of being next to you sing a sweet melody in my head.
Momma I am sorry