You guard me,
arms wrapped tightly around me,
you tie in loops to hide me in the rabbit hole around my abdomen to burrow within my ribcage.
They\'re coming so you pull tighter and I pull away.
Away from shadowing myself,
away from you,
away from them,
I pull away from me.
Letter to my soul: you protect me when I\'m tempted to reach out to have my fingers become the pen. Leaking my blood
on the line to sign away my life to the contract of a cigarette.
I sit in clouds of regret from the things I have done and I now, want to burrow within, but I have allowed my fingers to leak the blood, and this time, the contract had choices.
As I engraved each letter of my name into his skin, I gave a promise that day to give him my bones.
A rabbit hole that I was no longer able to hide in.
You held the door with your sharp breath of words that cut through my flesh.
You break each joint in my feet, for I am not used to this. My body has fallen into your gravity and I am unable to pull away.
Your beliefs, structure me, your eyes, study, your fingers cross lines I had painted in acid and you wipe it on your collar as another brick from my walls come out. The cement becoming loose and this time, string will not fix this. Glue will not fix this.
No matter how much you say sorry, you will not fix me.
I have given parts of myself that were still becoming. I am still becoming and you were the first thing I decided would help me become...
My mistake.
Letter to my soul: I let him go and you are still drained of choice to move on, but it won\'t always be this way.
-m.