Xxxplicit

To what do I owe this pain?

To what do I owe this? And when will I know bliss?
what is the sign you have made me miss and why can\'t I remember?
What is the reason every November seems colder than the last and why does each September dismember me until I fall apart?
Where has the part of me gone and where has my heart headed?
Why do I feel beheaded and why is this pain imbedded in my body but not my head?
What are the lies fed? And what truth has been left for dead?
Who am I and why is all that I feel only dread?
Who am I instead of who I\'m supposed to be? And why is the old me not in range to see?
When do I find what I was built to be? And why am I shrouded in the giult you gave to me?
What\'s free to save? and what\'s given?
Why is it me who seems to be unforgiving?
Why is it that I\'m still living and why am I alive to die?
Why is it I must cry and what is it that makes me survive the lie?
What ends are left loose? And which ones can I tie?
What is near by? And why can\'t I find myself in this flood?
Why can\'t I see past the blood? And why can\'t I wash away the mud from these wounds not mended?
Is this the way it was meant to be ended? Or is everything about myself that I\'ve defended gone to waste?
What is this taste?
Why is my pride laced in all my sin?
And will I win or will I just fall?
What was this all? And is this the last call? Or am I just standing tall just to fall once more?
Please just tell me because I can\'t take this anymore,
I just can\'t fake this even more, no,
So answer me,
To what do I owe this pain?
because I just don\'t know what you have to gain.