There is a space between no longer and not yet
Where few desire to reside.
I have been stuck there for awhile
Deciding how to dig myself out of this pit of discomfort.
It\'s not as easy as it looks
There are roots planted deeper than I ever braved to explore
I thought if I ignored it long enough
Maybe, just maybe they would change
Like I had hoped you would too.
Hope is the birthplace of self-destruction
It lies in the space between no longer and not yet
It makes you cling to what you wish you could change
It\'s a vicious cycle, between trying to forget and wanting to remember
Why did I continue to accept your roses
While ignoring the thorns?
Why did I stay?
Why did I let you wound my already battered soul?
All questions that warrant a response
I guess I just lost my balance.
I was so captivated by the charming house you built for us,
That I neglected to notice all the locked doors.
But this is not love.
Love should not extinguish the fire
That burns within you,
Keeping you alive.
Love does not leave a bouquet of broken promises
A vase filled to the brim with tears
Or a corsage of your shattered dreams
Love should not destroy you.
Love is patient, and forgiving.
Love is selflessness.
The want to understand.
I know why it is you walked away.
I had prayed every day for a good man.
And unfortunately,
That was not you.
Let\'s get back to the beginning.
I am a tenant in the space between no longer and not yet.
I am trying to find my way back
I am not afraid
I am building my own house
Where the floors are made of strength
The walls are crafted in ambition
And the roof is a masterpiece of forgiveness.
I am building myself.
My starting point is this unsympathetic area
Amidst two coined phrases of longing
And there is something so beautiful about that.
- an exert of a book
I\'ll never be able to write