Nothing matters expect what I\'m told does
If he doesnt say so, then it doesnt matter
If someone asks me to do something, I can\'t until he says
He yells
I forgot to clean a miniscule thing
The cat box
A thing that barely matter in the eyes of lots
But that doesn\'t matter to him
I\'m a failure
God forbid me show emotion too
I may not speak unless spoken to
My heart shall sink further
Fingers ache to hold a blade again
Arms already twitching
Wishing
To bleed
My lips keep begging my brain to once more continue my plea
But that fight has been long since given up
Sometimes she asks if I\'m okay, when my tear stained face cracks another down cast smile while my eyes look away
But I don\'t believe it
I\'ve begged for help and love too much and been pushed away
She heard what he did and said and she didn\'t care then
Sometimes I tell them I want to die,
they don\'t think I mean it
But look in my eye
What do you think?
I must put on my act
Its easier to give in
Strong face
I don\'t look good
He tells me that people need to think of me better
We\'re having people over and apparently they\'re spending time in my room
Its not clean enough
I\'m not clean enough
No make up and comfortable clothes - not okay
I\'m not pretty
Hair dyed too much, too fat
Too lazy
My hands shake and no matter how much lipstick I put in on, my lips won\'t stick up in a smile
I can\'t keep a smile
I can\'t feel happy
I close my hand around a brush and put on my pretty face
I hate it
I hate him
I swear
The mirror tells me I might finally be beautiful
If I hide myself
And give a smile
But frown at my Smiling face
It stares back at me, but it\'s not mine
Mine is lost beneath the pain twisting my gut
This isn\'t me
It\'s closer to acceptable
It\'s not much though
I\'m not enough for anything
Never will be
But if I change everything to what he wants may be I can be closer so I keep my fake face
And act to accept their fake love
I fake it like they do
Come home and smile, say my day was alright
Slowly force myself to eat dinner
Act okay
Cause they don\'t care anyways
He says how dearly he cares
But he\'s what I fear
I know it\'s not real but when they pretend to care around others I pretend to
They fake their love so I fake accept
It\'s fake and it\'s hell
But Ill love it anyways
For her
Because no matter what he puts me through
It\'s about her happiness
Not mine
I don\'t matter