mbird72

My Smile

I\'d love to smile 

Like when I was
Young and beautiful
When I was
Free and bold

Before the truth
Was innocent
Before the lies
Surfaced

Haven\'t smiled
Without
Hesitation
Reservations

Soft lights
Hypnotic music
Swaying freely
Smiling sweetly
Whole hearted

To smile with joy
In my arms
My new boy

Full of fear
Nightmare
Self doubt
Begins
Will I be like her

Do I have the rage
Do I have
Deep inside
That coldness
It\'s beginning to
Fill me

A sleeping demon
Must not
Can\'t wake it
Protect him
A beautiful light
Life force

Not mine
To keep
He belongs
To someone
Special

Searching
His face
Our eyes
Meet
Knowing this
Wasn\'t meant
To be forever
Tightness grips
My heart
Tearing a cavernous
Hole in it

Tears falling
Yearning to be
A good mother
Not what he
Needs
I ever so gently yet lovingly
Place him
In their arms
His true family

Will I
Ever
Smile again