I\'d love to smile
Like when I was
Young and beautiful
When I was
Free and bold
Before the truth
Was innocent
Before the lies
Surfaced
Haven\'t smiled
Without
Hesitation
Reservations
Soft lights
Hypnotic music
Swaying freely
Smiling sweetly
Whole hearted
To smile with joy
In my arms
My new boy
Full of fear
Nightmare
Self doubt
Begins
Will I be like her
Do I have the rage
Do I have
Deep inside
That coldness
It\'s beginning to
Fill me
A sleeping demon
Must not
Can\'t wake it
Protect him
A beautiful light
Life force
Not mine
To keep
He belongs
To someone
Special
Searching
His face
Our eyes
Meet
Knowing this
Wasn\'t meant
To be forever
Tightness grips
My heart
Tearing a cavernous
Hole in it
Tears falling
Yearning to be
A good mother
Not what he
Needs
I ever so gently yet lovingly
Place him
In their arms
His true family
Will I
Ever
Smile again